Did I Miss what was Happening Around Me?

I often wonder, with many years now between my cancer diagnosis and the life I've lived since, “Did I miss what was happening around me as I was taken into a turn that was so unexpected?” I repeat my thoughts over and over, reflecting on that time. While I vividly recall the chaos and confusion of everything unfolding around me, there is something even more powerful that lingers in my memory—the many cherished moments of goodness that anchored me during those turbulent days.

I remember how sweet my babies smelled when I showered them with kisses, their soft skin pressed against mine. I can still hear their young voices, whether they were asking endless questions or giggling with that innocent, contagious laughter only children have. I listened so attentively when they shared their little stories about school, their faces lighting up with excitement as they recounted the details of their day. And I can still feel, as clearly as I did back then, the warmth of their hugs—each one leaving an imprint on my heart, as unique and unforgettable as a fingerprint.

So, when I look back now and ask myself whether I was too distracted during that crucial time in my life, my answer has become clearer. Yes, I was living with uncertainty—grappling with the fear of what the future might hold. But rather than letting that fear consume me, it heightened my awareness of every precious moment. I didn’t miss what was happening around me; in fact, I cherished it all the more. The good memories were amplified because I was acutely aware of the fragility of life, and I was determined to be present with everything I was so afraid to lose.

In the end, the distraction wasn’t what defined that time in my life. What defined it were the moments of love, connection, and presence—moments that have stayed with me, stronger and clearer than anything else.